Our third-anniversary limerick contest ENDS on Thursday at midnight … and we’ve had exactly one entry so far. Now, I know a lot of you folks out there are veritable EMPERORS of procrastination like myself–but c’mon, guys and gals, put on your poetical hats and get those limericks posted pronto so we can give away these awesome prizes!
Since it’s hardly fair that we ask you to contribute without throwing out a few of our own efforts, here’s a couple of limericks from the dubious talents of your True Classics crew …
Everyone in Frisco, it seems
Seeks the jeweled bird that gleams.
But in the end, it’s for naught
For the thing they all sought
Is only the stuff of dreams.
(The Maltese Falcon, 1941)
An overnight mother is driven
To return the baby she’s given
But the babe is appealing,
And maternal, she’s feeling,
So she keeps it–AND David Niven!
(Bachelor Mother, 1939)
Okay, so this last one, revolving around one of the most famous lines in movie history, is … well, it’s pretty damn raunchy (and yes, it came directly from the not-so-beautiful mind of yours truly). And because of that, I’ve whited it out so as not to offend anyone who might not care to read it. Just highlight the white space below and you’ll be able to see it. (And if you’re offended after the fact, well, that’s not my fault, because I just warned you!)
“Rosebud,” they said in the obit,
Was the last word his voice ever writ.
They all searched in vain
For the secret of Kane,
Not knowing they all sought a clit.
(Citizen Kane, 1941)
(For those wondering what this means, this article explains it pretty well.)
So now it’s YOUR turn … give it your best shot, and get rhymin’! Entries must be posted by midnight on November 29th. And make sure to send us an email or leave a comment on this post once your entry is complete!
True Classics 
Brandie, I got a kick out of these limericks (including the naughty one, you witty slyboots you! :-)). I’m shocked and stunned that you haven’t had more responses (maybe it’s just the busy holiday season?). Perhaps you’ll like this one I wrote a while back:
In a film magazine readers’ poll
Folks thought of an Orson Welles role,
It was quite hard to say, but:
“A pudding!” cried they,
“For his belly’s as round as a bowl!”
Hope that helps! Good luck!
Happy holidays,
Dorian
(Tales of the Easily Distracted :-))
When it came to acting, by heck,
Tallulah Bankhead stacked the deck.
But when inquired
What part she desired
Her answer was constantly “neck”!
“It’s obvious,” Mrs. Dumont barked,
From the throne whereupon she was parked,
“For the present duration
Someone must rule the nation”,
But in her case, the cards were all Marxed.
(Duck Soup, 1933)
Myrna Loy was asked therein,
Would 1934 give her a win.
Accepting a drink,
She stopped to think,
And admitted her chances were Thin.
Once while visiting Cannes
Grace Kelly was asked by her fans,
If anything could convince
Her to marry a Prince,
Said Grace: “There’s a Hitch in my plans”.
These are some really clever limericks! Hey Brandie, I couldn’t get anything to highlight so I could read the raunchy one. I also didn’t know how to do that when posting my own raunchy ones, so they are just out there in the light of day! How can I see yours?
Hello Gals, here are my entries for your limerick contest: http://theswingmood.blogspot.com/2012/11/hello-goodbye-its-limmerick-time.html
Happy 3rd Anniversary! Love the Limerick Contest idea…sadly for me, poetry is completely beyond my capabilities. However, I’ve really enjoyed reading the entries. Choosing a winner looks like it’s going to be tough!
Hey! I finally figured out how to read your whited-out limerick! I’m so happy to see somebody else as warped as me! I loved it! Just sent you an email —
Here you go! http://sittinonabackyardfence.com/2012/11/29/there-once-was-a-man-from-nantucket/
She flies on a twister in Kansas
With Fred, Gene, and Mickey she dances
From Gable to Tootie
They knew her as Judy
But Grand Rapids knew her as Frances.
It’s not midnight here yet!! Does it still count??